"Have you learned the lessons only of those who admired you, and were tender with you, and stood aside for you? Have you not learned great lessons from those who braced themselves against you, and disputed passage with you?"

~Walt Whitman~

I'm beginning to.

Someone once told me that I had no idea what it was like to wake up in the morning and be angry that I woke up at all. This morning I understood what they meant. My heart hurts.

I feel like I'm slipping back into old patterns. I can't sleep. Something just hasn't felt right lately when it's time for bed. Just went and watched a lil of the meteor shower on my back deck. I tried to stay out longer, I could handle it when my fingers and toes and even my butt went numb, but when they started hurting like needles under my skin, I had to come in. I think I almost saw 6 of them. Every time I turned my head I caught merely a glimpse of shimmery light streaking across the sky. I wish I could have watched it with my niknik.

mmmk, still not liking this whole "grown-up" thing. I'm so frustrated right now with work, work and more work. I need a new job, I'd like to have just a normal job, one that has regular hours and one that I can feel like I make a difference at and feel as though I'm good at it. I agree with Dan, I need a project in my life. I need to do something big, something to help me forget all about the troubles of loans and work and such, but what? ...that's the question...

I miss my friends from school so badly I could scream sometimes, though I hope that wherever they are and whatever they are doing, they are happy. I think that may be what I'm missing in my life the most right now, when I was at school I could just walk next door or across campus and find a friend to be silly with. Here, though I love the few friends I have in Superior dearly, we don't get to hang out very much. I guess I miss staying up 'till all hours of the night just being goofy. I've been thinking a lot lately and I've decided that I am going to put together a reunion tradition for the northland crew, though I'm not sure exactly when. I do know that I want to have it at the beginning of the summer and I want us all to go camping or canoeing or something of the sort, just something that brings us all back to our northland days. I tell ya, ya never realize how much that place means to you until you can't go back but for a visit to friends still there.

To all of you still going to northland, please take my advice, well even if you don't take it at least consider it for my sake...don't let any beautiful or silly moment go unexperienced because you may never get them back. I realize this is obvious advice and quite nostalgic, not to mention an extremely cliche statement however there is a very distinctive reason it became cliche in the first place, duh...it's true. So tomorrow, heck tonight even, go create a memory you'll never forget.

Charlie Brown Thanksgiving is on!!! Woohoo! I'm bored. I'm at work as usual, which is all I seem to be doing. In the famous words of Tex, "I need a vacation!" Can't afford one though, got loans and bills to pay...I'm starting to rethink this whole "adult" thing. I think I want to stop now if that's alright, I don't want to play grown-up anymore! :( (sniffle sniffle) lol I've been having some major headaches lately too, prolly because of my wisdom teeth. I think they are infected, though I will be getting them pulled this Wednesday. :( Kind of a bummer it being the day before Thanksgiving and all, though I spose I wouldn't have gotten any anyway because I work a double on Thanksgiving day. I don't mind that too much, but I do hope the dentist gives me some powerful drugs. I'm nervous...I don't like dentists, though not many people do I suppose. The only people who really like going to the dentist are people who have nice shiny white teeth and walk around saying things like, "Well I've never had a cavity in my entire life." ...don't ya just wanna smack one of those nice white teeth right out of their shiny little mouths? I mean come on! My theory is that they were simply deprived of all the goodies offered at the candy stores when they were kids. Did they not celebrate Halloween? Where was the damn ice cream man in their neighborhoods? huh? That's what I wanna know! hehe

Your Monster Profile

Insane Vagabond You Feast On: Pickles You Lurk Around In: Nude Beaches You Especially Like to Torment: Your Exes

Well I do love pickles!!!

Well my life is crazy right now. I'm aparently going to be moving within two weeks into my new place. Went to go see the lot yesterday, it's a different one that's closer to my sisters and has a pine tree, a shed, and a fenced-in yard. All in all it's pretty cute.

There's just one problem...my neighbor talks to himself. Well actually he fights with himself. Aparently he'll stand in his living room, scream something, then walk to the other end of the trailor and yell back. From what my sis tells me he gets in some pretty heated arguements too. lol

One of my other neighbors is an old hippie/biker dude who smokes pot and drinks all the time. I'm told he's done every illegal thing you can think of and is now just living out his days alone in his fort knox looking fortress he's built next to my sisters. I've met him twice before, only he was stoned both times and he was obviously stoned last night when I met him again and had no idea who I was. lol He asked my sis if I smoked pot and sounded very disappointed when she confirmed the contrary, that I was just like her and didn't smoke. He was gonna offer me some. lol

My boss called me this morning and hooked me up with a butt-load of hours over the next two weeks so that should keep me pretty busy till nik gets back. My boss told me that I would be getting more and more hours as a bunch of people have just resigned...hmmm...resigned...makes me wonder why. The job is extremely stressful I know that, but jeeze. Well I'll just have to go for it and see what happens, I really need the money. I hope I won't have to work on my birthday though.

Might be getting a cat too. My sister doesn't want to get rid of her cat Stitch, but it hates Christian and vice versa. She offered to pay for everything, the litter, the food, the shots, etc. and Christian offered to pay me 40 bucks to take him! lol. Don't know how well it'll work out though with a cat and rat...hmmm Stitch is declawed but I don't think that'll matter. We'll see how that works out too...

It's 4 o'clock in the morning. I can't sleep. Wide awake actually. I miss my girl, all I can think about is her. Just sittin here watching music videos on MTV cuz there is absolutely nothing on tv at this time in the morning. It's too quiet here...

"ACHTUNG!

Phoenixladi may actually be a spider-human hybrid

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From Go-Quiz.com

K, I'm bored, and missin my girl and I've been catching up on livejournal stuff and I ran across this lil thingie that Laura posted and I thought it was cute, so here goes:

Seven things I want to do before I die:
1. I want to have at least one child.
2. I want to travel to Germany to see the Lahr castle and the Lahr river
3. I want to own a cute little home in a very brady bunch type of neighborhood. (I know I know, very cheesy but it's true.)
4. I want to skydive...when I'm older that is.
5. I'd like to become a successful family counselor, and when I say "successful" I mean I want to truly help mend the broken pieces of families and make them strong again. It may sound quite cliche but that's just how I feel.
6. I'd like to be able to travel to places like iceland and scottland
7. I WANT TO PAY BACK MY SCHOOL DEBT!!!!!

Seven things I cannot do*:
1. Resist Nikki! Hehe
2. Swim period. I'm like a friggin anchor! I sink like a bag of bricks
3. Braid my own hair, I agree with Laura, can't do my own hair worth a darn.
4. Climb a tree successfully without hurting myself
5. Do pullups, got very little upperbody strength
6. Watch Napoleon Dynamite one more time!
7. Handle being around people who constantly trash talk others.

Seven things that attract me to a person:
1. Sense of humor
2. Smile
3. Woah, again I agree with Laura! Shape of the face, especially the jawline.
4. The upper arms, if they're toned...look out baby!
5. If they're good with kids, that's a biggie for me and any potential significant other.
6. A best friend.
7. Eyes

Seven things that I say most often:
1. What the crap?
2. Um...pretty sure...
3. Dude!
4. Toodles
5. Oh for Pete's sake!
6. Holy Hannah!
7. Oh my goodness!

Seven books I love to read:
1. Any of the Terry goodkind series which far surpasses 7
2. Fantasy novels
3. Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman (yet again I agree with Laura)Walt Whitman is my absolute favorite poet!
4. Psychology case studies (I know, I'm a nerd for my trade)
5. Anything Nikki writes
6. Annie Dillard poetry
7. The littlest angel

Seven movies I could watch over and over again:
1. 1st wives club
2. clue
3. Anything Muppets
4. Anything that has Bette Middler, Goldie Hawn, or Julia Roberts
5. Hokus Pokus
6. Mr. and Mrs. Smith
7. Sorority Boys

Seven people I want to do this too:
Anyone who reads this! :)~